Goals. Goals. Goals

Developing and identifying goals is the learning outcome that I focused on this month. This outcome is important for me because it is one that I struggle with. Because I struggle with it I have made it a priority.
Some background to my struggle with goal making begins in middle school. I come from a family that has no money, or education. I come from a family of drug addicts/dealers, prostitutes, abusers, swingers, and felons. Higher Education is not something that was expected of me, but it is something that I aspired to do. When I was in middle school I made a goal. This goal was “I am going to get out, I am going to go to college and never look back.” As I grew up this became less and less of a goal and more of an obsession. I dropped gym classes for more academic course work. I took two mathematics classes at a time so that I could take college mathematics. I took summer school and independent study. I volunteered over 500 hours at the local hospital alone and more through the local Kwanis Club. Every decision I made was to get me closer to my goal. I wanted to be the most attractive perspective freshman, so that I could get accepted into a college and so I could get scholarships. My hard work paid off because I got three scholarships and I was accepted into Iowa State. When I started at Iowa State I was so happy, I was in a state of bliss but there was something wrong. I didn’t know what to do next. I had worked seven years to get to college and now that I’ve gotten here I’m lost. The goal I had set for myself was so strong and set in stone, but what comes after has been a mystery to me. When I make goals for myself I am always unsure of myself and my choices, in fear that if I fail then I will end up in the same place as my family. So instead of making decisions I procrastinate which in the end is making a decision not to do anything. For example I could apply for internships to work on my professional development but I am scared of where that might take me so I contemplate the decision for a long time, so long that I miss the deadline to apply.
The thought of failure is so strong that it keeps me from making and keeping myself accountable for my goals.

Too be continued

Identity and Privilege

At the end of my freshmen year at Iowa State I attended two conferences. The first one being the White Privilege Conference in Wisconsin and the second was the National Conference on Race and Ethnicity (NCORE). These conferences were eye openers for me, the things I discovered at these conferences could only be compared to finding out the Santa Claus is not a sweet jolly man who gives children presents but an advertisement thought up by Coca Cola. Some of the things I learned at the conferences I had experience with but they did not have names to me, things like internalized racism, multiple identities and white privilege.


The most thought-provoking discovery I made was with multiple identities, how everyone has multiple identities but some may be stronger and more important to them than others. Before these conferences if someone would have asked me what my identities were I would have probably only said African American. No knowing that each identity doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive because I am not just African American and I am not just a woman, I am a Black Women but now asking me to choose which one is more important to me would be like asking me weather I like seeing more or hearing more. Especially since there are so many cross sections between these two identities. This is how I try to view diversity. Behind each person are multiple identities like class, race, ethnicity, religious beliefs, sexual orientation. Countless identities some that are overshadowed by others but that are all important in the makeup of this person.


Privilege is…….interesting. Privilege is owned for many different reasons. People can have privilege for being in a majority, being privilege because of a social class, even being privileged because they're educated. It is all about having access others don’t. This may be access to behave in a way that others wouldn’t get away with, or having access to benefits like housing or health care. Privilege becomes real important when it comes time for someone to use it and how they use. For example Tim Wise the author, educator, activist. He is an educated white male. He is privileged because he is a Male, because he is White, and because he is Educated. He acknowledges and uses his privilege and access to combat/inform on the issue of racism. He is also one of the best speakers on privilege I’ve ever heard (and I have heard many) so I would recommend going to the link below and watching this video of Wise speaking on privilege at Austin Peay State University

http://www.timwise.org/2011/08/short-presentation-on-white-privilegeracism-austin-peay-state-university-2011/


I have learned a lot and when it comes to diversity, privilege, power and identities the learning does not really come to an end. I will be sure to add to this blog when I learn something new.

Welcome

Welcome!! This blog is dedicated to my NUFP(NASPA Undergraduate Fellowship Program) journey. I will keep it updated with my thoughts and experiences as I explore Student Affairs and Higher Education. I will try extra hard to spell check every post before I post it. I am super excited to start learning about Student Affairs and to grow as a para-professional. If you have any advice or comments please share.